Hello I’m Catherine

Me with my husband Sam

I wanted to set up a group in person because when my twin boys Oscar and Max were born too early to survive in July 2022, I found that most groups / support was online or, miles away from my home here in Newbury. I really just wanted to talk to someone in person…

Since 2022 I’ve had incredible support through the Twins Trust Bereavement Support Group, a variety of therapy through both private counsellors and the Birth Trauma Team at RBH. However, I still felt like Newbury was really lacking in somewhere to come together face to face and talk about your experience.

I felt so alone and terrified of life after my sons died. Despite having fantastic familial support and those of my friends, I truly didn’t feel like most people I entered into a conversation with about it, knew the depth of the pain I was feeling. I had major anxiety and was experiencing PTSD symptoms after going into premature labour with no warning.

I feel very lucky to have gone on to have my beautiful rainbow baby, Ripley, who was born just shy of a year after Oscar and Max were. Her pregnancy was riddled with anxiety and I felt constant fear that history would repeat itself. I felt huge guilt and shame about having another baby “so quickly”, with the main fear that people might think I wouldn’t need to speak about my sons anymore…

Quite the opposite actually. I am so aware of how lucky I am to have her in my life, but the pain of not having my sons will forever be with me. I wanted to hold space for anyone and everyone who has experienced pain like this. No one should have to walk this path alone or keep their feelings bottled up.

I read a quote recently and I’m paraphrasing (because obviously I’ve never found it again!) but it went something like this:

To not talk about my grief made me feel like so much of me was missing, like I was half a person. When I talk about it, I feel more whole.

Over the last 3 years, I’ve worked really hard to encourage myself and empower others to open up about their experiences, their feelings, their children. Know that I will always endeavour to create a safe, respectful and nonjudgemental place for you. I have spoken to parents who have lost both twins, one twin, triplets. People who have had to have a TFMR (Termination For Medical Reasons), ectopic pregnancies, molar pregnancies, early miscarriages, late miscarriages/second trimester miscarriages, missed miscarriages, recurrent miscarriages, people with (and I hate most words in Women’s Health but) incompetent cervixes, stillbirths… I hate that this is happening to families every day. Worse still, I hate that people are sometimes blaming themselves for it.

I’m not claiming to be an expert in anything other than my own experience, but if you want to come and share your experience with me… I’m listening.

You are not alone.